Nuggs #2: Divorce Update, Depressed Appliances, "What's Your Deodorant Number?" and More!

This week's ginormous-brain bits

Pausing my ~fascinating~ and ~73% true~ life stories due to the overwhelm of downsizing to give you, instead, more of the nuggs floating around my Macy’s-sized head.

1. This morning’s text from my “friend” Megan:

You know what, Megan?! Uh yeah pretty much.

2. This new-to-me Jean-Luc Godard (no of course I don’t know who he is) quote: “He who jumps into the void owes no explanation to those who stand and watch,” which reminds me of Brené Brown’s: “If you are not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I am not interested in your feedback.” Ain’t those good? I always love a reminder to just don’t not do it.

3. Is a divorce in the works? You guys were no help! Here are the results of last week’s poll:

You want details??? Fine. Here’s the text I got from my “husband” right after I hit publish—without proofreading, I will admit—last week:

The nerve of a guy I’ve never once seen in The Spelling Arena!

3. Ever been so overwhelmed you aimlessly google “should i start sleeping without a top sheet” for hours? That’s what moving has done to me. Please chime in on the topic so that I can continue to not pack.

4. This tweet:

Reminds me of something a co-worker’s husband once said of her: “She worries that our tea kettle is sad if we’re not using it enough.” Isn’t that great? She was a writer with me at Hallmark, so brilliant, and I’ll call her out in case she’s reading: Renee, I hope this finds you and all your appliances happy.

5. Does anyone else count swipes when they put on deodorant? I always do, and it’s always an even number. Most days, 8. (In the heat of summer, 12.) I also have to have the TV volume, thermostat, and my Kindle brightness on an even number. Sometimes, OCD can be kind of fun!

6. This week, I entered the New Yorker cartoon contest for the first time. I’d been reading the stellar Your Caption Has Been Selected by a guy who’s won the contest a record eight times when my maybe-ex Paul pointed at it and said, “Why aren’t you doing that?” THE PRESSURE I’m under in this marriage! So I pointed at Travis Kelce on TV and grumbled “Well why aren’t you that” and then I realized he was probably right. I spent years at Hallmark doing something similar—captioning photos for cards. Like this elegant one I wrote:

The book is fantastic—I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to figure out how to write humor. (Even if you have no interest in the contest!) Okay so here’s the cartoon for my first attempt:

Immediately, an idea popped into my head, but I dismissed it as too punny/expected/nonsensical. I decided to go to my notebook and work it out for a while—the same process I used at Hallmark. Here’s a peek:

Next, I waited a day and typed in whatever notebook thoughts seemed the most coherent. From there, I waited another day and went back and edited/smoothed/narrowed down and landed on these finalists:

“We forgot sonblock.”

“Relax—it’s just a watch, not a warning.”

“When’s the last time you updated your privacy settings?”

“I told you not to donate to a political party.”

“So this is the beach at Don.”

I wasn’t sure if you could enter more than once (you can’t), so I picked my favorite—the one I’d previously dismissed but had talked myself back into—and typed it in:

“We forgot sonblock.”

I still think it’s too punny and am betting lots of other people entered something similar. If I could go back, I’d probably enter the “Don” one instead. According to the book, 10,000 people enter every week, so I am under no illusion that I’ll win. It’s fun, though. Who cares. (Wanna rate the entries? Head here!) If I keep trying, maybe I’ll keep sharing. And that’s a warning, not a watch!

See ya,

p.s. bonus meme from the archives (yes I have a thousand saved no I’m never downsizing):