Five Questions with Writer Bill Gray
On cereal boxes, blank screens, and writing for one
Ever know someone so talented, you want to hate them? But they’re such a good person that you can’t? And you don’t know whether to slash a hole in their tires or interview them for your newsletter?
Meet Bill Gray. I got to work alongside Bill on the humor staff at Hallmark, and it’s not an exaggeration to say that he alone has made the company a zillion dollars. If you can remember even one card you’ve ever given or received, there’s a good chance he wrote it.
Bill is a gooey-hearted dad/grandpa, a ginormous Beatles fan, and a proud bragger of the clothes he buys on sale. I still laugh at the memory of him pointing to his sweater vest and shouting, “SIX BUCKS!” He’s soft-spoken, always drumming his fingers to the tune in his head, and says things nobody understands, like “you’re just whistlin’ up a rope.” He is, quite simply, a gem.
Bill just retired after a stellar 36-year career, and lucky me, I still get to see him for breakfast once a month. When he told me recently that he was going to start writing for fun, I jumped at the chance to ask him more. I’d always begged for his secrets when he worked together, but for a writer, he’s a man of few words. All I could ever get out of him? “I just write jokes.”
Thankfully, through a combo of verbal threats and buying him pancakes, I was able to force more out of him. Of his retirement plans, he says, “Continuing to write is important to me. It makes me feel better as a person.” He says he’s mulling over a few different book ideas, “some stuff that’s been in the back of my mind for a long time.”
“I loved working, and I love not working,” he shrugged happily. Well, I love Bill. I think you will, too.
What feeds your creativity?
It’s similar to when I work out in the morning: sometimes I don’t feel like it, but if I can get 20 minutes in, I feel better about everything. Writing is the same way. I know that if I start writing, ideas will come.
I also like to read other people, I watch TV, I listen to music. I pull little bits of things from everywhere.
What’s your creative process like?
I sit down at the blank screen and I think it through for a minute before I write. Ed. note: He did this at Hallmark. He’d stare for one (1) minute, then write a fully formed, best-selling joke. For someone who took days to write a medium-selling joke, it was maddening.
I’m working on a book that’s in verse, so I think about how I can make the first three or four lines work—either the rhyme scheme or meter—I think that all the way through, then I write that. Then it starts to roll downhill and I can keep writing without having to stop and think so much. I also don’t worry about the first pass. I just write it.
I will reread stuff that I’ve written 15, 20 times, and every time, I’ll change something or move something around. It’s not exactly an editing process; it’s tinkering until it feels right.
What’s the biggest misconception people have about what you do?
I don’t think a lot of non-writers understand how important it is to write, how much it matters. I also think there’s a misconception that I could get published tomorrow if I wanted to, and I’m choosing not to. That’s completely wrong, and it’s really hard to sell stuff in the world. I wish I was better at it. I’m good at the writing part. I’m terrible at the marketing part. I wish I had that talent.
But then there’s another part of me, now that I’m retired: I’m writing for me now. I used to think about the stuff I was writing, “Is this anything? Will people think it’s anything?” And in the end, that’s not so important anymore. If I like it and I enjoy reading it, that’s all that matters. And that’s different than a lot of people. For me, I’m writing for Bill.
What do you do when you’re feeling less than confident, creatively speaking?
I’m experienced enough to know that ideas are coming. So I don’t panic about it. I know they’re coming. And if you write bad stuff, it’s so easy to throw it away. So I write bad stuff just to keep writing.
Mostly, I’m just confident that there are good ideas in me and they’re coming when they’re ready. I’ve learned that it’s not in my control.
What advice do you have for someone who’s just starting?
Read stuff that you really like. Actually, read everything. Read cereal boxes. See how words go together, figure that out. Figure out why you like something.
I also think it’s important for people to have a life view, to know what you want to be in the world. To have an idea of what you want to say.
I think, for example, that life is good and people mean well. So everything I write, even if I write about terrible stuff that happened, ought to move towards that. It ought to serve that.
Figure that out, who you are. Get used to the fact that a lot of people won’t like what you write. That’s okay.
You gotta believe in yourself, in your ability and your talent. It’s a gift. And if you can write a sentence that moves people, if you can do that, you’re obligated to do that. Because not everyone can. So if you can, you should.
I’m not sure anyone really chooses to be creative. You either have the spark or you don’t. And if you have it, it’s kind of a sin not to use it.
Thanks, Bill. I’ll always hate look up to you!
Input!
• This gem is reminding me so much of my 2nd favorite funny show, I can barely stand it
• Checked off #96 Automatic for the People, #6 Nevermind, and #83 Dusty in Memphis, from this list
• Inhaled this delightful rom-com series
• Stumbled upon this fantastic (and unexpectedly feminist?) stand-up special
• A streak of great books: a real comedian, a fictional comedian, and an epic tale of a nurse in Vietnam
• I love him: “Your new BookTube cousin”
• Finally:
I love this. Thanks for the inspiration, Bill!
Bill!!!! So great.