Very few of my practices are based on TJ Maxx decor. “Faith, love, family”? I can do one of those at best!
But here’s one that’s really had me rethinking how I operate: Good Vibes Only. (Now on sale!)
I read a lot of books and until recently, left ratings for them on Goodreads. But something’s changed. I no longer want to leave ratings if they’re below four or five stars.
Sure, I dnf like an mf. I don’t finish many books that would earn an average or less-than-average rating. But if I do, I’m gonna start keeping those bad vibes to myself.
I know how much vulnerability it takes to put your writing out into the world. Call me “mature” (lol), but I can no longer stomach tearing anyone down who dares to do it.
My other new good-vibes-only policy? Saying “It’s not for me” when I don’t like something. Austin Kleon hit upon this in a blog post:
I like the phrase because it’s essentially positive: it assumes that there are books for me, but this one just wasn’t one of them. It also allows me to tell you how I felt about a book without precluding the possibility that you might like it, or making you feel stupid or put down if you did like it.
It came up again more recently in a New York Times interview with essayist Samantha Irby:
If I don’t like something, I just assume that it’s not for me. I don’t think it’s bad.
The old me wouldn’t have hesitated to say “I hated it” about a movie, book, etc. But both Kleon and Irby are right: maybe try considering there are others on this planet? Now there’s a pillow I’d buy.
And you know what? There are some big things that are not for me! Like Star Wars, or donuts, or hugs from acquaintances. But they are for a whole lot of other people. And I respect that.
Now listen: it’s not easy. Ranting is one of my favorite past-times! But now that I’m a creative in the wild, more than ever, I feel the urge to support others. And sometimes that means keeping it zipped.
As my wise friend Kevin said to me not long ago, it takes a lot of energy to hate something. Energy I’d rather put elsewhere. Like, love. Or family. Or…okay this sounds crazy but maybe both???
Input:
Reading: “All my life, art has facilitated my ability to have feelings during disorienting grief, challenged me to grow even when I didn’t want to, introduced me to crucial information I couldn’t find elsewhere, and helped me become more of myself.”
Well, this guy’s amazing
I’m a sucker for hacks, so of course I love this user-submitted collection (I submitted “grocery shopping with airpods in” which, if you dread it like I do, you should definitely try. Game changer!)
Her journalistic antics always kill me, and this week was no exception
Diving headfirst into this new-to-me series, a treasure trove of creative guidance (Thanks, Mirna!)
Lotta noise out there about ChatGPT, but this article is a great primer
A perfectly fine exception, a great idea, and a sick burn
Finally:
I am ready to buy a good vibes pillow!
I look forward to reading this post every week. Thank you for the links with ideas of things to watch and read. I have started a notes section on my phone for your recommendations. I am trying to broaden my horizons. Most nights I am so tired that a good Friends rerun is about all that I can tolerate. But - Watched the Duggar drama - yikes!
I had to stop leaving rankings on Goodreads - mostly because I sadly read a good amount of smut, and, well, that doesn't make you look like a smart human. So I can't let on what I am reading. But also when I gave a bad rating, it made me feel terrible. Then I had to explain it, then it felt like a job. Who knew that I could just say, "it's just not for me"!
Keep writing for me, friend!
Yep I’m on the good vibes train too. Generally try to not say anything if I can’t say something nice (especially on the inter webs!)